The Holiday Void

Dad and Mom

“The Holidays are coming!! The Holidays are coming!!” had a much different meaning when my parents were alive. Now, it’s more like, “The Holidays are coming… ¿Como puedo disfrutar de las fiestas navideñas sin mis papás?”

Everything changed after my parents died. Todo cambió cuando se murierón mis padres.

My father passed away in March 2009, and my mother passed away just a year and half later in October 2010. At first, close family and friends would call and check in every now and again, and when holidays came around, they would make sure I didn’t feel alone. But as the years passed, the calls became more infrequent until they eventually stopped. Then, holiday invites even became sporadic. I don’t blame them. Maybe it saddens them to see me without my parents…maybe they think it’s time I make my own plans…or maybe…they don’t think about the holiday void. I guess I never considered how things could change after the glue that held my family together passed away. Whatever the reason, I’m just trying to find my place in this world after identifying for so many years as being Emilio “Charras”’ y Gloria Delia’s hija.

When I worked in news, it was easier to keep my mind off of the holiday void because I worked most holidays. It helped keep me busy; I was able to treat it like any other day. Now that I get holidays off, it’s hard not to think that another holiday is coming…without my parents…because holidays are about being with family…right?

I remember seeing my mom cry every holiday. Her father died when she was young, too. She was very close to him, and it never stopped being painful for her to celebrate a holiday without him. I didn’t understand the feeling until I lost my parents, and based on how my mother felt each holiday, that void will probably always be there.

I share this in case you are feeling a holiday void this season. If so, here’s what’s helped me.

Focus on love:

Ask yourself…

• Who do I love?

  • Whether they are in your life or not, send loving vibes their way.

  • Have a furry friend? Studies show spending time with him or her can help alleviate stress, anxiety and even depression.

  • Have a loving spouse or a close friend? Confide in someone you trust. Talking things through can help clear your mind.

• What do I love?

  • If it’s art, go to an art gallery or paint a portrait.

  • If it’s nature, take a walk in a park.

  • If it’s food, try a food truck you’ve never tried before.

  • If it’s an act like volunteering, dedicate time to an organization that inspires a loving heart.

• How can I fill this void with love?

  • Love yourself.

  • Be kind.

  • Reflect on loving, happy memories.

  • Do what you love in memory of those you’ve lost.

    • I frequently write, sing and dance in memory of loved ones.

  • Spend time with people who fill your heart with harmony.

  • Avoid toxic people.

    • Negativity can be contagious.

  • Think positive thoughts.

    • The brain is a powerful tool. If you fuel it with negativity, it can consume you. If you fuel it with positive thoughts, it can re-energize you.

If you start losing interest in what you love, this could be a sign of depression. Remember, there’s no shame in seeking professional help. A therapist could help you get back on track to your former loving self. If you are having suicidal thoughts, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-TALK (8255).