Finding Peace and Comfort in Heartache

10 years…

It’s been 10 YEARS since my mother passed away…

It’s hard to imagine how 10 years have passed by. I remember when I couldn’t even imagine one year without my mom. We had already been without my dad for a year and a half when mom died. How do you go through your young adult life without any parents? It felt as though they wouldn’t be able to see our hopes and dreams come true. For a while I felt like I was floating through life without purpose, but then I started stumbling upon signs that gave me comfort and peace.

The hummingbird.

My mom loved hummingbirds. We had hummingbird feeders around the house, so that my mom could see her favorite bird. After she passed, every time I saw a hummingbird, I thought of her. It was always such a joyful surprise when one would fly by me, or when I would see a beautiful flower, and then notice a hummingbird gracefully taking a sip of nectar.

This year, the anniversary of my mother’s death hit especially hard. My heart was aching as I saw the date approach. Through the years, I had learned to distract myself from this date. I even planned my wedding in the same week four years ago, so I could have something to look forward to rather than to dread. This year’s distraction also involved a little remote getaway. It took careful planning and a lot of scoping out areas for safe physical distancing practices due to this year’s pandemic.

We found a place we could go for some rest and relaxation, but I couldn’t shake the feeling of sadness and anxiousness. My heart was still aching….

But as soon as I walked into the AirBnB, I saw this:

“How gorgeous! A beautiful hummingbird.”

Then, I explored a little shop in a nearby town, and I found this:

“Wow!

What a coincidence,”

I thought.

Later, as we sat on the patio for a wine tasting, this was set on our table:

My jaw dropped…

“Is this still a coincidence?”

Then, back in town, I visited White Dove Thrift Shoppe as I always do on the anniversary of my mother’s death. It benefits Hospice of the Valley, where my mother took her last breath.

As if to drive the message home, I came across this:

That took my breath away…

Then, a close friend of mine went with me to another location where we saw another hummingbird:

and then right around the corner…..

Another! This one was right next to an angel that said “Expect Miracles.”

I was speechless.

“This is a message for you,”

said my friend.

After this, I decided to visit my parent’s home and the cemetery. I went to a bookshelf where there was a stack of books I hadn’t seen in years. They all said “Funk & Wagnalls Wildlife Encyclopedia.” I pulled a book from that stack and saw this:

I had never seen so many hummingbirds back to back in my life, and whether you believe it was a message or not, this lifted my spirits. It gave me so much joy to see hummingbirds everywhere I looked.

The 10 year anniversary

of my mom’s death was a date that I had been dreading,but as it approached I received signs that gave me peace and comfort. It still aches to remember that she’s not here physically, but these symbols show me that she is here. She’s in my heart, and that’s where she’ll always live, and any time I see something that brought her joy, it’ll bring me joy as well along with peace and comfort.

Sending you peace and comfort for any heartache you’re experiencing.

xoxo,

Erika Flores, Periodista Fashionista